If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
