Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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