So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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