OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
