would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
