just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
