so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
