just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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