I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
