I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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