Don't you send me to vm
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
