Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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