I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
