my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
