So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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