I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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