u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
