I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
