VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
