So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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