Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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