We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
