I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
