happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
