Plan B is the new Plan A
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
