We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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