I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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