shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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