Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
