So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
