Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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