I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
