:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
