Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
whose parrot is this?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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