Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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