this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
