so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
