i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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