when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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