You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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