Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
