I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Me too!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
