Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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