You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
