living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
