I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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