Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drake has all the answers
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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