My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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