Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
