SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
